Episode 51

The Toilet Saga Continues

Welcome to day 473 of alcohol retirement! Also in this episode, I speak a little about September 11, 2001 as we celebrate the 23rd anniversary of that tragedy.

And then, the saga of the upstairs toilet REVEALED! LOL

Ok, it's not like you've been waiting in suspense for the story, but here it is anyway -- the replacement of the upstairs toilet which went... ok'ish?

For the picture I mention in the episode (or to leave a comment) be sure to visit https://callmedonovan.com/51

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Transcript
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Hey, welcome to, I believe it's episode 51 of Call Me Donovan.

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I am, of course, Donovan.

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As I'm recording this, today is September the 11th, 2024.

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And of course, this is a tragic anniversary for the United States because of what happened

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23 years ago today.

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It's actually 839 AM as I start to record this.

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So 23 years ago at this time, it had not happened yet, but of course we're talking about the

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tragedy of the Twin Towers, the Pentagon, and then the other plane that went down in

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what is presumed to be, it was heading toward the White House.

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But of course with that particular plane, you had a group of very honorable souls who

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decided to take matters into their own hands.

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And that plane went down with their loss of life, but not any other.

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I believe the Twin Towers, we're talking about 3,000 to 3,500 people that were essentially

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murdered.

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And of course the issues of everyone, first responders, people that were around the area

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that have come down with various cancers due to the materials, the chemicals that were

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thrown up in the air, et cetera, et cetera.

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It was a very tragic day.

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And of course it changed a lot of things in the United States.

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It changed air travel.

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It got us into yet another protracted war.

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But all of that aside, we have to take a moment, think about those who lost their lives, how

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it has affected everyone in the United States.

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And it's one of those things that as it gets further and further away from us, I believe

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we feel the impact of it less and less.

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Think about World War II.

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World War II was probably the most history-making war in the 20th century.

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I mean, we had World War I, the United States got into it, but World War II is where the

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United States came out as a superpower.

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And it actually ties into a topic that I eventually want to broach in an episode of this.

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I'm just trying to figure out if it's the appropriate place to do it because I don't

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really have any other, I guess I could do it on the Adkisson Experiment podcast, but

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I'll just touch on it briefly.

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It's a conversation that my wife and I had one morning about how a lot of people would

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say that if they could go back and kill Hitler, even as a baby, that they would.

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And I get where they're coming from, but I'm like, "Hold up, wait a minute, because of

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the butterfly effect, right?"

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And whether you agree or disagree, I mean, I think we can all realize that the loss of

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life in World War II and the total destruction, I mean, it was horrendous.

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But without those pivotal events happening, the United States would not be where it is

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today, for better or for worse.

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We became essentially the leader or the leading country of "the free world" on planet Earth.

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But even with that said, we're so far removed from World War II that it really doesn't have

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a direct effect on our daily lives now.

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And I think we're at that point now where 9/11, September 11, 2001, or 2001, but 9/11,

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we're so far removed that it really doesn't have that much of an impact on our daily lives,

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especially those of us that were not directly connected to anyone that lost their life or

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had a family member lose their lives in that tragedy.

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I remember I was working at CityNet.

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I'd only been there.

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I hired in CityNet, City of Tifton, cable broadband division, the City of Tifton here

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in Tifton, Georgia.

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And I hired in in 1999, September of 1999.

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So September of 2001, I was approaching my second year, because I think it was the tail

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end of September, somewhere around about September 29th, I actually hired in.

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And I remember that morning, I was doing my normal routine, and I had a friend of mine,

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Mark Nuzzo, who's from New York.

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He has since passed, unfortunately, due to stomach cancer several years ago.

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He's only a few years older than me, I believe.

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Maybe, I say few, maybe five to eight, somewhere in there.

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And we were in the office manager's office.

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I can't remember if somebody called me and said, "Hey, come here, look at this," or what.

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But we were, they had the television on.

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And I could not believe my eyes as what I was seeing.

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And I was like, "What the hell is this?"

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And they were like, "Planes just hit the towers in New York."

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And I'm like, "Get out of here."

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I mean, this isn't fake.

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You know, and I don't know if I said those exact words, but I'm fairly confident that's

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what was going through my mind.

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This has got to be fake, right?

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And I saw the color drain out of Mark's face, because he was standing there watching it

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along with us.

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And he was like, "I got to go make some phone calls," because he still had family in the

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New York area.

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So yeah, the rest of the day, the rest of the week, basically for, what, a month, all

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the news channels, especially the 24/7 news channels, basically that's all they talked

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about.

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And it was so surreal, so like, this has got to be like a Clancy novel or something like

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that.

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It just did not seem real that something like that could have happened on United States

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of America soil, in one of the most populous, most happening, most active cities in the

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United States, New York.

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And you know, it really did, unfortunately, set up a legacy of a particular president,

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George W. Bush.

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Some have wondered how things would have been different if Al Gore had actually been the

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one picked by the Supreme Court, because of the whole Hay and Chad issue, which you know,

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we've, the election coming up, not going there, but yeah, man, you stop and think about it.

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And it's not something that I think about often, but then you have days like today where

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you stop and you take a moment and you're like, wow, 20, 23 years ago, so much changed

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in the matter of minutes, in the matter of minutes, so much changed.

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It's so wild.

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I did check the calendar and today is 473 days of alcohol retirement, yay me.

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And honestly, after yesterday, oh boy, baby, baby got to stay strong.

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So you'll remember in the last episode, I talked about the fact that we're having a

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roll off container coming in, should be this Friday so that we can get rid of a lot of

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junk around the house.

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And one of the things that needed to happen was to change out the toilet in the upstairs

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bathroom.

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So that was yesterday.

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Now, when we, I can't remember if I talked about this in the last episode, maybe, but

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I'll briefly talk about it again.

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So Tyler and I went out to Lowe's and pick this toilet up Sunday and all the necessary

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things.

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And we had to pull up to the front door, which was weird because we did a curbside pickup

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and you know, they're like Walmart.

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They've got these little slots, numbered slots, and you check in on the app and they're supposed

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to bring it out.

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But the lady called me and said, you know, are you here?

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And I said, yes.

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And I told her where we were and you know, the color, color of the vehicle.

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We were in Tyler's truck, which is bright yellow.

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We call it the yellow submarine.

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And she's like, well, can you pull up to the front door?

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And so he backed all the way up to the front door and we put the, she gave us, I had the

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water line.

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I had the fluid master, which is the, which is the little piece that you use instead of

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a wax ring.

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That is important.

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That comes up in the story.

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And then we got the toilet up on the, on the back of the truck.

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The toilet, I think it's a Kohler.

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It's the same, same model that we put in our master bathroom.

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I love it.

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It's a fast flusher.

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It only, I mean, it's very efficient in water usage, but when you hit that, it goes whoosh,

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whoosh.

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And I mean, it's done.

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But going upstairs, whenever you would flush it, it would take the scenic tour of trying

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to flush.

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And as far as we can tell, that toilet is probably, was probably installed when the

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house was built.

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The house was built in 1990.

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So we're talking 34 years at this point.

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So while we were there Sunday, a gentleman walked by and he saw the toilet and he was

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like, Ooh, Oh, he started shaking his head.

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And he's like, I forget exactly what he said, but something about, you know, having a job

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in front of you or something.

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And I said, well, not today, but definitely this week.

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And as he walked by, he turned and he saw the side of the toilet.

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And then he just, he did like a cross symbol.

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He said, been there, done that, got the t-shirt, don't want to do it again.

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Now, Tyler and I joked yesterday that we're pretty sure the guy cursed us.

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So the experience in December of 2022, when my daughter, Oriana, and I replaced the toilet

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in the master bathroom versus the experience of what we went through yesterday with me,

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Oriana and Tyler.

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Holy bejesus.

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So first problem we had, if you know anything about toilets, you know that they've got these

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two bolts that are anchored down in a flange and the flange is anchored to the floor.

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And I don't believe the flange is normally glued to the drain pipe, but I could be wrong.

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Watching some installation videos, it normally just sits on top of it so that it goes down

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inside of the drain.

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But anyway, that's neither here nor there.

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That might become relevant here shortly in this story.

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So you've got these two bolts, they're anchored down in the flange.

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The flange is usually anchored down into the floor, screwed into the floor.

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One of the bolts, the nut came off with no problem.

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The other one got about halfway there and then the entire bolt started spinning, which

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got me worried because the way they're designed, they're like elongated, the heads are elongated.

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And so in the flange, they go into a slot, it's got a big part and then you slide it

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in and then it kind of locks in where it's not supposed to turn.

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And it was turning and I was like, "Oh no, does that mean the flange is fucked up?"

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And no matter what Tyler and I did, we could not get this thing.

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We tried holding the bolt with a pair of needle noses, nothing.

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Finally I said, "Okay, I've got a way of fixing this.

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Break out the hacksaw."

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So that's what I did.

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I had to basically hacksaw, I had to cut the nut off of the bolt and when we did that,

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we could pull the toilet.

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This is when, and I wish, I wish we had actually taken pictures right after we pulled the toilet

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because this is unlike anything I have ever seen in my life.

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I've got one picture of when we've got everything cleaned up that I can put in the show notes

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that you can see, but you'll see an outline.

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I don't understand what the hell these folks were doing when they put this toilet in, but

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they had, they had spackle or sheetrock mud or something up under the toilet in the negative

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spaces in the open spaces up under the foot of the toilet and they had it around the flange.

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So you can imagine, I mean, this was a clusterfuck from the beginning.

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You had your typical, what you would expect, wax that you had to clean up because the wax

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ring, right?

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This is a 34 year old toilet.

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Of course they use wax rings back then.

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That was, that was what you did.

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They really didn't have any other high tech way of doing it.

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So not only did we have to clean up all the wax stuff, but then we had to basically get

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a hammer and a flathead screwdriver and treat it like a chisel and start chiseling this

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stuff up off the linoleum, around the flange, all of this.

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It was, it was a job.

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We got all that cleared up and cleaned up and I was like, okay, we're ready to put these

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bolts in.

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And of course then we had to fight with the extra crap that was in the slots.

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Some of this spackle or sheet rock mud, whatever it was.

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So we had to keep cleaning until we could finally get those bolts to go in and slide

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into their proper positions.

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Got that done.

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Now, instead of using a wax ring, I tried something new with the first toilet we did

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in our master bathroom.

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It's called a fluid master.

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And essentially it's a, it's a, a rubber flange that instead of taking a wax ring, you, if

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you're familiar, you can look it up, but a wax ring, you normally adhere to the bottom

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of the toilet.

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You flip the toilet upside down and you adhere it to the hole on the bottom of the toilet

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and you kind of maneuver it.

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So it'll stick there.

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And then you have to flip the toilet right side up and in one move, get it in proper

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position where the bolts come up through the holes on the side of the toilet.

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Because if you screw it up, when you remove the toilet, you have to clean everything up

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and use a new wax ring.

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You cannot reuse a wax ring.

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The fluid master thing, you can, you can keep doing it as many times as you need to because

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it's not wax, it's rubber.

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It worked fantastic for the one in the master bathroom.

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Not so much with this one.

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And we think it has something to do with the fact that even though it's designed to work

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this way, because it actually comes with a spacer in case your, your actual flange.

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So if your flange is sitting on top of the floor, then you don't have to do anything

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special.

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If the flange is at level with the floor or up to a quarter inch below, then you're supposed

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to use this, this spacer.

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Well ours was sitting right on the floor.

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And so we put the fluid master down.

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We, we got the toilet in position and we started tightening it down and you have to be very

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careful of course.

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You do this, we put a level across it and we tighten up a little on one side, tighten

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up a little on the other, kind of rocking back and forth until, you know, you don't

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want to over tighten because suddenly you hear crack and the porcelain's cracked and

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your toilet's fucked.

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So that's always a concern.

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So we, we got it down and we started noticing there was at least a quarter inch gap, the

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front end at the front of the toilet.

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The back part of it was kind of on the floor, was kind of, you know, flush with the floor,

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but the toilet rocked.

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And of course my daughter's looking at it and going, no, no, no, no.

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And I'm like, I agree with you.

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So we pulled the toilet back up and we started investigating the flange.

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And one of the things we noticed is when they put the flange down, there was some of this

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spackle sheet rock mud bullshit or whatever up under the edges of the fucking flange.

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And so I was thinking, well, we're probably going to have to replace the flange.

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So I looked up on Lowe's, we still had a couple of hours before they closed.

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And I was like, and I did a quick look at a video of how do you, how you replace a flange.

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I was like, okay, that does not look too hard.

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So we pulled the four screws, Tyler did, out of the flange and we go to try to remove it.

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And either they glued the flange to the damn drain pipe or over the course of the years,

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it's just pressure fitted, which there's no pressure.

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That's a low pressure scenario anyway, but it was stuck.

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Keep in mind, we're on the second floor, which means this, all of the drain lines, the water

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lines, everything are running between the first floor and the second floor.

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Not something you can easily get to.

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So I was like, okay, well, at the risk of not wanting to make matters worse, we decided,

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okay, we're not going to get this thing off.

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So maybe, just maybe, we can clean out some of the stuff under it.

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So Tyler and I, mainly him, but we took probably about 20 minutes and I got a longer screwdriver

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and we just started going around until we could get every little bit of that crappy

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spackle stuff out from under it.

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And then we put the four screws back in and I tightened them as much as I could.

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So it did go down a little bit more.

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We put the fluid master back on, it got the screws where they, the bolts where they needed

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to be, sat the toilet down, still not good enough.

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Could not get it to go down far enough to actually get flush, even remotely close to

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being flush at the front of the toilet.

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So we were like, okay, what are our options?

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I said, well, we could shim it.

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That's going to look like shit.

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Tyler came up with an idea of, we trace around the bottom of the toilet and we hope that

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we have something like a quarter inch piece of plywood or something that we can then make

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a template, cut out the hole and basically give it something that the toilet can sit

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on, but it would be hidden enough that whenever you caulked around it, you couldn't see it.

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Not a bad idea, except we didn't have the necessary wood.

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I didn't want to have to go get it, even though he said, yeah, I would.

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And I just thought, okay, that's the worst case scenario that I want to have to do here.

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So the toilets themselves and this particular model comes with a wax ring.

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You don't have to buy one.

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They just throw one in the box.

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Well, I already had one from the previous one and then they gave us this one.

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So we agreed that maybe, just maybe, the fact that that wax ring will give more than that

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rubber fluid master device, this might be our best bet.

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So we reserved ourselves to, okay, here we go.

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Keep our fingers crossed.

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This is going to work.

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So I flipped the toilet upside down, finally got the wax ring out of its plastic container

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without getting too much wax all over my fingers.

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Got the ring down positioned around the hole, kind of shifted it back and forth to make

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sure it would stick.

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Grab the toilet and you have to flip the toilet right side up and hold it at the same time.

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These things, the whole toilet is almost a hundred pounds.

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Okay.

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So this is just, this is just the bowl because if I flipped it and then, you know, let it

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rest on the floor, I could damage the wax ring.

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So I had to do that maneuver, hold this.

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So we're talking probably about 50 pounds easily, maybe even 60.

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And so we get it, Tyler's looking at one side, I'm trying to gauge on the other with the

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help of Oriana.

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We get it, we get it positioned with the bolts and then I push it down and then I rock it

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back and forth.

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And as we're going down, the thing starts getting close and almost flush with the floor,

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even before we started tightening the bolts down.

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Yay.

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So then we go through the effort of tightening down one side, the other, keeping it level.

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And it looked great.

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It looked great.

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I'm going to caulk around it.

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It's got just a tad little, but you know, I'm going to, it'll, it's going to look great.

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I think.

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And of course, then we had the tank that we had to contend with and Tyler mainly did that,

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but that's one, you know, you've got to get it centered and it's got these three bolts

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and then you've, you need to like tighten one, just a couple of turns, tighten the other

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one a couple of turns, the back one.

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And we kept going, you know, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.

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Got it secured.

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It didn't rock.

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The toilet didn't rock.

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Everything looks solid.

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Put the water line in.

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And I said, okay, here's the moment of truth.

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I slowly turned the water on.

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Didn't have a link.

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Didn't have a leak around the three eights connection to the water supply.

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Did not have a leak to the seventh, eighth inch connection on the bottom of the tank.

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The tank itself did not leak.

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We let it fill up.

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And then the moment of truth came.

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I needed to be able to flush it.

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And when I flushed it, like I said, this is a flash, a really fast flushing toilet.

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Checked around the base.

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No water.

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Hell yeah.

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Several more flushes, letting it sit there, et cetera, et cetera.

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And then we put the, we put the, um, the toilet seat.

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Yeah, that's it.

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That's what you call that thing.

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Put the toilet seat on, which it's got, it's got one of those slow, uh, slow closing ones.

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It's not fancy.

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I mean, it's a plastic toilet seat, but it, when you go to, it's not heavy.

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So when you go to close it, it's got enough resistance and even says it's a slow close

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toilet seat.

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It slowly goes down and almost like it's mechanized or something, but it's not.

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Keep in mind, this toilet is like a $200 toilet.

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It's $199 from Lowe's, at least here in South central Georgia, maybe different pricing at

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different lows in different areas of the country.

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I don't know.

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And so we did all that and, uh, we just, I just kept flushing, you know, and then we

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finally put the cover on top of the tank, flushed it a couple more times.

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I'll check this morning.

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I know somebody who's used a bathroom at least, you know, once during the early morning hours,

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because where our bedroom and bathroom are positioned, that bathroom up upstairs is like

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directly above our bathroom.

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So you can always hear when someone's flushing the toilet up there.

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And normally it would be, it'd start out with like a little trickle and then it would build

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and blah, blah, blah, blah.

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But now it's like, whoosh.

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So, oh, and then there was the hunt for the elusive white caulk.

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So back in December of 2022, I had purchased, uh, Gorilla actually makes some of this too.

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I mean, there's a lot of companies make white caulk, but I had purchased, I had purchased

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a tube of, uh, white silicon based water, uh, repellent resistant, whatever caulk to

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do our downstairs toilet.

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I also bought a little tube of, uh, tile repair because we've got a, uh, we've got tile on

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our bathroom floor and it was broken and still haven't fixed it.

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I still got to do that, but upstairs is linoleum.

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So I didn't have to worry with that.

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Went looking for it, couldn't find it.

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Remember, remembered where the last place I saw it, been on the hunt for it ever since.

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And I was like, I know I didn't dream that I bought this.

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I actually went into my Amazon orders.

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Well, I didn't even go into the orders to begin with.

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I just went to Amazon, looking it up and in the listing it showed one, it said last purchase

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December of 2022.

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I was like, see, I'm, I'm, I'm not dreaming this.

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So I still can't find it.

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So early this morning, I went ahead and ordered another tube.

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Now I know what you're saying.

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Why don't you drive your happy ass out the Lowe's?

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I don't want to.

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That's why.

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I avoid going to stores.

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It's just my nature.

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You, I mean, it's like pulling hen's teeth.

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If you need me to go into Walmart, you better have a goddamn good reason why I need to go

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into Walmart.

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That's the reason why I do Walmart grocery pickup.

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Thank you very much.

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As much as I am an atheist and may not believe necessarily in a soul, you walk into a Walmart.

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That is one of the most soul sucking fucking places I ever walk into.

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Okay, round over.

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So that was the adventure.

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It took three and a half hours.

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We started at four o'clock.

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I'm glad I decided to start at four o'clock.

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I was like, well, unless somebody's network is burning down between four and five, they're

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just going to have to wait.

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And luckily nobody needed anything during that time.

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But it took us three and a half hours and bringing Tyler brought the tank down for the

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old one.

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I brought the bowl down for the old one.

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And then I carried both the tank and the bowl up for the new one.

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Needless to say, every muscle in my body screams at me right now whenever I move this morning.

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It was rough, especially trying to get that one upstairs, the bowl down, coming down the

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stairs, then walking all the way through the house.

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Because we're, we started in a temporary location because it's going to go in that roll off

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container when we get it Friday.

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Whew, it was, it was touch and go there for a little bit.

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All I can say is I am so happy.

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Not I mean, my daughter was a tremendous help whenever we did the one in our master bathroom.

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But I'm so glad that there were three of us this time, especially with Tyler here, because

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he's got that engineering mind and he'll just jump in and start trying to figure shit out.

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And you know, my old brain is like, I need coffee.

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So that's done.

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That's, that's another one off the list.

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So you got to, if you can do it, do it yourself.

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But if you've got any reservations, hire somebody to do it, because then if they fuck it up,

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they got to fix it and at their own cost and peril.

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So oh my goodness.

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Okay.

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Well, I think that's going to be it for this episode.

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Once again, thank you for taking the time to let me just drawn on and on and on and

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talk a little bit about 9/11.

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I didn't want to necessarily, you know, bring the episode down, but I thought it was is

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it was important to at least talk about it at the beginning.

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Hopefully that didn't turn you off and you actually made it to the toilet story.

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And yeah, there you go.

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All right.

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You should be able to if you want to comment on this episode, or you want to see that one

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picture that I'll do my best to try to remember to actually post, then you'll need to go to

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call me Donovan.com/51.

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That'll be call me Donovan.com/51.

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You know, so like I said, leave a comment there and see the show notes.

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It should have the picture.

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Follow me on Insta and threads.

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Handle is Don Adkisson.

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Same thing on Twitter, but I hardly ever check it.

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So as I've said before, fuck Twitter and fuck Elon Musk.

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So all right, you take care of yourselves.

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I hope you're doing well.

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I hope everyone that's connected to you is doing well.

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And if you're on an alcohol retirement journey, kudos wherever you are in your journey.

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Keep the faith.

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Keep going.

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You can do it.

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I'm an example of that because this is the longest I've ever been sober in my entire

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life and it still baffles me to this day that I've been able to pull this off so far.

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Can't take your eye off the ball.

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It's easy to just not even fall off the wagon, but get to a point where you just want to

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jump off that motherfucker.

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But I haven't done it yet.

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So that's that.

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All right.

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Thanks for listening.

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Till next time.

About the Podcast

Show artwork for Call Me Donovan
Call Me Donovan

About your host

Profile picture for Donovan Adkisson

Donovan Adkisson

Podcast host & producer. IT specialist. Owner of Tifton Media Works & SouthTech Network Solutions.

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